Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
