so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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