Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
this will be a night to untag.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
