Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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