I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
