I can tuck mytits in my pants
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
