Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.

Fav 6 3614 1145
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(620): View more from Kansas

my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts

Fav 30 4724 1466
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(410): View more from Maryland

Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.

Fav 5 1215 2760
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(337): View more from Louisiana

I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...

Fav 5 2482 1052
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(207): View more from Maine

I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.

Fav 5 1896 1160
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.

Fav 13 1699 1076
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(253): View more from Washington

Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf

Fav 2 946 531
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(203): View more from Connecticut

he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.

Fav 0 216 395
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(905): View more from Ontario

He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him

Fav 0 98 8
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