i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
