I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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