It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
