I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
