Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
