i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
