Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
