i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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