nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
