Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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