Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
