Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
