Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
