If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
