my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
