Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
