Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
