the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
