are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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