ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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