eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
