That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
