possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The uberlube is also flammable
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
