Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
