either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize