Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
