why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
