saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
