I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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