I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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