I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
