There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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