You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
