Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
