So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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