May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
