dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
