Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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