Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
