Is it normal to miss your booty call?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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