Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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