So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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