evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
