If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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