All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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