you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
