it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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