how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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