what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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