matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
