new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
