i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
