My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
