I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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