i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize