My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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