Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.