I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere