Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle