Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.

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  (212): he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform. http://tfl.nu/ifar
  Replies (16) Good night (563) Bad night (3401)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?

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  (603): Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter? http://tfl.nu/0om2
  Replies (75) Good night (1526) Bad night (5200)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?

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  (863): During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart? http://tfl.nu/3xgk
  Replies (26) Good night (7379) Bad night (1118)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever

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  (847): stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever http://tfl.nu/se2n
  Replies (47) Good night (6858) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.

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  (631): I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens. http://tfl.nu/64xb
  Replies (43) Good night (4359) Bad night (768)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.

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  (407): official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer. http://tfl.nu/fxe4
  Replies (31) Good night (604) Bad night (8547)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market

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  (919): yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market http://tfl.nu/5w22
  Replies (7) Good night (3733) Bad night (1239)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.

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  (306): I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park. http://tfl.nu/fvsb
  Replies (5) Good night (3437) Bad night (909)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.

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  (647): I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life. http://tfl.nu/xuzg
  Replies (8) Good night (1209) Bad night (681)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.

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  (651): I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his. http://tfl.nu/2lgm
  Replies (15) Good night (2492) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.

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  (928): Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week. http://tfl.nu/3dmv
  Replies (6) Good night (1467) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  You sprinted into the side of a parked car

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  (705): You sprinted into the side of a parked car http://tfl.nu/8ptj
  Replies (0) Good night (875) Bad night (309)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...

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  (778): I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating... http://tfl.nu/qllj
  Replies (12) Good night (558) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast

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  (302): I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast http://tfl.nu/oogo
  Replies (0) Good night (477) Bad night (211)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.

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  (508): Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry. http://tfl.nu/belr
  Replies (1) Good night (556) Bad night (182)

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