so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
