i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
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she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.