Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

Where is the hickey?

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(415): View more from California

how hairy? two words: wookie tits

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(904): View more from Florida

The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.

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(816): View more from Missouri

critical mistake not lubing the nipples

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(516): View more from New York

what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?

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(440): View more from Ohio

OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT

(440): View more from Ohio

COME TO THE BLANKET FORT

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors

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(323): View more from California

I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?

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(325): View more from Texas

'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?

(1-325): View more from Texas

oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?

(325): View more from Texas

I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.

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