Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going