Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?