he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
