if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
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Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.