i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
