Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
