i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
