I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
