I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
