i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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