Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is Oprah even human
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
