she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
