Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
