**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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