hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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