I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
