If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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