Can Purell be used as lube?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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